Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
