That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
