you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You ate ashes out of my bong
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
