Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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