i was born a porn star she said
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
