he puts the penis in happiness.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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