Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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