Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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