its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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