Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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