I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
