Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
