sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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