From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
