An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
