Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
