Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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