I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
