she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
