Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
