Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
either way he was missing a nipple.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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