she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm just crazy horny about you
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize