she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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