So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
