There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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