May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
