Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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