were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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