told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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