I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize