You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
