hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
