i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
