Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
