dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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