Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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