Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize