Sry I called you an 8
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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