I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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