He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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