I think I died a long time ago.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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