Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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