Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
