THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
