I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
