Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
