I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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