community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
