Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize