I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
