I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
