I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
