Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
