She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
