Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
