Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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