I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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