carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he wants to bone in the snuggie
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
