You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
