fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
