I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
