I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
