btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
