Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
