i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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