he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You are the jesus of drinking
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
