And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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