I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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