CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
