I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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