I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
