Need sex. Gaining weight.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
