On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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