I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
