Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
