apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
