i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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