I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
