Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
