Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
