I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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