She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
