I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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