the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
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