i was born a porn star she said
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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