Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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