it wasn't lemon gatorade
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
