Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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