So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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