i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
