I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
