Sry I called you an 8
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
