I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
