last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
