You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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