I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize