Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So much rum. So many feels.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
