So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
