OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize