I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
