C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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