Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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