I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
