Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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