A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
