I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Blood and glitter go together right?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
