He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They took my balls.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
