There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
