if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
