Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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