He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
