I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
