i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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